Brunch & Budget

b&b230: How to talk to your parents about money (redux)

July 13, 2020 Brunch & Budget
Brunch & Budget
b&b230: How to talk to your parents about money (redux)
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Brunch & Budget
b&b230: How to talk to your parents about money (redux)
Jul 13, 2020
Brunch & Budget

We're going to talk about how to talk to your parents about money for real. I think it's something that I know has been on a lot of our clients minds.  Especially with COVID, especially with parents getting older, we work with a lot of millennials who have found themselves having to not only adult for themselves, but also adult for their parents.

Show Notes Transcript

We're going to talk about how to talk to your parents about money for real. I think it's something that I know has been on a lot of our clients minds.  Especially with COVID, especially with parents getting older, we work with a lot of millennials who have found themselves having to not only adult for themselves, but also adult for their parents.

Dyalekt :

Just like hot potatoes and hot fuego justice is best served on a hot plate-o. Welcome to brunch and budget the show about personal finance and racial economic inclusion with your host Pamela Capaled, Certified Financial Planner and Accredited Financial Counselor here to take the bite out of your budget. Brunchandbudget.com. Brunch and budget is part of the race and wealth network. I'm your sound provider dialect and here's your host, Pamela Capaled.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Thank you Dyalekt and here's our baby, little Isaghani.

Dyalekt :

He's here

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

He's gonna run the show, actually.

Dyalekt :

Well, I mean, you know, I don't know if you're, if ya'll are parents, or have you been a parent or you gonna be a parent, you need to know that these guys run the show.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

They really do. They really do. He's taking he's taking over and taking over. We're gonna talk about how to talk to your parents about money for real. I think it's something that I know has been on a lot of our clients minds. Especially with COVID, especially with parents getting older, we work with a lot of millennials who have found themselves having to not only adult for themselves, but also adult for their parents.

Dyalekt :

Well, this is one of the things you know, we talked about the education work we do with kids, we often try to do intergenerational workshops and try to not blame parents a lot. Yeah, because these kids don't know financial basics. And their parents don't know financial basics, because when they were kids, they were never taught those things. Yeah. So we're all in the same boat. And it becomes this difficult thing. Were in education without like, push these things to kids. They're always telling us well, we have to tell these kids that their parents are wrong and stupid and not to be like them. That's not really a way you want to build community or to to convince anybody of anything. You know, it is talking to your parents, even when you do know all the facts and figures. So how do we make this happen without causing all sorts of uncomfortableness?

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

I mean, we share this out all the time in our workshops is that parents are more afraid to talk to their kids about money than sex, drugs or terrorism. So parents are afraid to talk to their kids about money now and for partly part of the reasons a Dyalekt said, but I think that there is this already existing taboo around talking about money and that you shouldn't talk about it that you shouldn't talk about with your friends you shouldn't talk about with your parents, it's rude to ask these questions.

Dyalekt :

It's rude to tell what your salary is.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, and I think that whole idea of like not airing your financial laundry extends to other family members as well. And I think that's what makes it so hard to talk to our parents about money in the first place is one, they want to feel like the parents, they don't want to feel parented to. And I think that that is often a transition that ends up happening. As we get older. And as our parents get older, is we have to have these difficult conversations as adults. And then at the same time, our parents are just as embarrassed as us to talk about it. They didn't talk to us about it. They didn't talk to each other about it. They don't talk to their friends about it.

Dyalekt :

I mean, if you think you were indoctrinated not to talk about money, oh, they will catch your weapon.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Oh, yeah, that's so true. And the other aspect of this is POC families and immigrant families, the US system is different. It's unfamiliar and it's set up for white supremacy and set up for not passing wealth on easily.

Dyalekt :

Remember when your dad had a whole college degree and then came to the states and couldn't use it, even though it was in a math related field.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

My dad, uh, my dad has an engineering degree in the Philippines.

Dyalekt :

I know that stem stuff, right?

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

He came to the US and the degree was not valid. So he worked minimum wage jobs his whole life. And then eventually it just made more sense for him to stay at home and watch us than it did for him to keep working. And he was also on top of that embarrassed about his English and afraid to understand what the system was about. And I think that's that the barriers that a lot of our families face is the systems are not designed for us. And it's really difficult to try navigate it and there's this fear of getting it wrong and making a mistake and screwing up what you already have.

Dyalekt :

Again, like if you guys aren't parents, maybe you don't know this. We just got this little one here and I'm already so terrified about screwing up those kinds of things. I'm terrified to say I don't know I'm terrified to give incorrect financial advice.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, yeah. So I can only imagine what our parents went through. Before we really dive into the individual stuff we also want to talk about, we spend some time this week on our Instagram actually talking about the systemic ways that POC have been left behind when it comes to building generational wealth. And I think that's also where a lot of the embarrassment around money comes from is often a lot of P OC, are the first in their family to have a college degree, the first in their family to have a professional salary, they might be making more money than their parents were might be making more money in their parents have ever made, right. And so how do you deal with that and a huge part of how that happened is just like the systemic stuff, the policies that were passed, when we talk about homeownership as a way to build wealth, that was a way to build white wealth in America. That was a way where the government subsidized both the white middle class being able to buy homes and to build wealth that way, and also sanctioned redlining. The FHA in the 30s straight up said they sanctioned redlining, they said, We will build this suburb, but only if you put white families in it. And that really happened. And that's the thing to keep in mind is

Dyalekt :

that the FHA at one time was as bad as Facebook. Oh my gosh, it's true. That's a quick caveat, if you haven't heard about this Facebook was, was making space for digital redlining as recently as 2014.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, yeah. Good times. Good times. Look up that pro publica article on Facebook. It is nuts. Yeah. So redlining is one of the ways that generational wealth was not able to be built and a lot of families of color here, regardless of whether you're an immigrant or not, if you were black, if you were Latino, if you were Asian American, you are not white, you are not allowed in these neighborhoods, and you are not allowed to purchase home. So a lot of POC right now are the first generation to actually be able to start building wealth and often we have to go backwards. And part of going backwards is actually asking our parents these really difficult questions. Ooh, and we have a question from Kaz, can we talk about the new Bill is getting passed in the Senate in regards to privacy that's aimed to protect against sexual abuse against children, but basically gives us no digital privacy whatsoever. I am not familiar with that. Yeah,

Dyalekt :

I saw that he saw that thing you now see that a lot of bills that are being passed right now are being put up there right now. The name of like safety or security, but they're really removing our ability to have privacy. Yeah, that's, it's pretty scary. It

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

sounds like we need to have a whole episode on like, what digital privacy is.

Dyalekt :

We actually, everything's changed in

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

the last couple years again,

Dyalekt :

it was I mean, it was more of a fun episode than a lot of stuff we're talking about. Now. We doxed me? Yeah, we had some digital security experts. They came through they gave me like the phishing email and I kind of knew so I played along a little bit, but the stuff that they were able to find out was really terrifying.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Oh, my God, and that doubly makes me think of parents who I know my mom called me when she got this weird text message and she was like, hey, Do sign up for a thing and I'm like, No mom, that's a spam text message. And she was like, what's a spam text message and I feel like our parents are also older people are more susceptible to getting their digital privacy rights taken away just because they don't even know what to look out for.

Dyalekt :

But big up to what you're saying cuz we're I feel like we're far from Digital privacy and security experts. We have had those folks on and I'm thinking like maybe even a preacher episode, maybe we can dig into that because it's becoming much more and more important. I mean, in my education work, there's all this concern about where we're teaching where the rooms are, and where the information is stored and most importantly, where these kids email addresses and personal info that has and everybody has a different answer

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

well, and you know, that like communities of color are the ones who are getting like school issued iPads and school issued laptops and putting all their information in and who really owns that right well, that's a whole other conversation

Dyalekt :

guns and drugs in the slums girls killing one another over Chrome is right,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

for real. So when it comes to talking to your parents about finances, I feel like one digital security is a huge, huge thing that you need to discuss. I think even knowing and getting an idea of what their passwords where this has been coming

Dyalekt :

to sit down with your parents and make them a LastPass account. Yeah,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

make them a LastPass account or help them come up with a system to keep track of their passwords and to know what they are. I know like my mom currently keeps them in like a little notebook, you know about we're not sponsored by LastPass or not, they're just great. I mean, they just do what they do well, and that goes with one of the things to ask your parents about their finances, where do you keep your financial records and I think we need to add to that list like including taxes, legal documents, bank statements, credit cards, like where do they keep their passwords? How do you log into their bank account because if something were to happen to your parents, you're going to actually need to know how to log into their financial stuff right here you need to know how to access their bank statement you're gonna need to know how to pay their credit card bills you're gonna need to know all of this kind of stuff

Dyalekt :

and I think I we talked about things likeyou know, disability being more common and death and all that. It doesn't necessarily mean your parents are gonna die one day you're gonna have to Need to get in there, there may be a dire situation where they're sick or they're injured or something happens, and you need to access some of their information immediately.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Well, and I think this is particularly timely with Covid. Right. And a lot of people being hospitalized a lot of people being sick and incapacitated.

Dyalekt :

And not to mention even if they're not sick, or if they don't have cobit they might possibly be stranded or in some weird situation. Yeah, plenty of folks were families got completely separated in different sides of the country.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Mm hmm. So real and thank goodness for technology to connect us in that way.

Dyalekt :

Caz brings up a really good point that, you know, is one of the it's one of the things that I think a lot of harmful forces like to feed off of a lot of posing a lot of Spanish. I just saw a lot of people, a lot of Spanish people speaking from your perspective, don't trust many things. They're stubborn, not my parents, but other members of my family are really against financial institutions, especially older ones. There's a stigma.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

right? And there's a reasonable stigma is

Dyalekt :

Yeah, in the Virgin Islands, I always like to say like, the only financial planner we know about is the financial planner that screwed over Tim Duncan, the famous basketball player, so we're all like, oh, they're a bunch of sharks. I feel you.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

I mean banks straight up take money from poor people with free checking accounts and overdraft protection, right?

Dyalekt :

Well, and they've done awful things like creating fake accounts. Yeah. Fargo accidentally foreclosing on the wrong house.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Definitely also Wells Fargo

Dyalekt :

Reposessing furniture and stuff like that, like with no repercussions, none. So I understand why folks are like, I don't trust you. That's one of the tough things about the situation we're in right now is that we need helpful institutions to be built to do good things. But all we= know about institutions is they do what's

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

right. And it's it feels easier to shun the institutions and to try to figure out how to navigate them. And I think that's where a lot of people are. And I feel like that's where a lot of older people are, who are were already taken advantage of by them. So that's another layer when you talk to your parents about this. It's like Hey, why don't you have a bank account? Hey, why do you still bank with this place that keeps taking your money? Or hey, why do you still bank with this financial advisor, whatever it is, whatever that question is, I think those are the kinds of things and habits that are going to be difficult to break your parents out of, I think One of the more important things to talk to your parents about last week we had Jayla Eaton Esquire on to talk about estate planning. And I think just as important is for you to know what your estate plan is to pass on your generational wealth. It's incredibly important for you to know what your parents estate plan is to know how they're going to do wealth transfer, or to even just know what their wishes are, when it comes to medical issues when it comes to their financial stuff. When it comes to like funeral expenses and burial wishes and things like that. When we've seen families have to deal with family and we're passing without an estate plan. It doesn't give the family the ability to actually take the time do you always say this, right? It doesn't give the family the ability to take the time to grieve. Yeah, my cat gets everything. You can totally do that, too. That's the best part. You can write anything you want in the state planning document.

Dyalekt :

The college I went to was technically owned by cats. The cat like the owner had left the

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Holy crap, how does that even work? So finding out what Your parents estate planning situation is do they have wills? You have healthcare proxies? Do they have power of attorneys? This is gonna be a conversation in and of itself. Honestly.

Dyalekt :

It's hard to talk about that stuff with yourself.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah. And I, especially when I first started getting to wealth management, I started broaching the conversation with my parents and asking them what their deal was. It took me two years of talking to my parents and my parents had owned a couple homes. My mom had, like, you know, my parents had assets and they lived in California, and they were getting older. And they it took me two years to actually get them to do estate planning documents and to have an ongoing conversation with them before they got to the point where they're like, okay, we're gonna do this.

Dyalekt :

I've got to say, at least your mom who I guess probably didn't have as much trouble in terms of like dealing with system. She was way more open than a lot of parents.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

She was. It's true, and it still took two years and she was like, and my mom had been talking to her friends about it. And she knows she knew that she needed to do it and it still took her that long to get to it. Oh, I have a question. Melissa, what is the threshold below which you aren't charged to state transfer estate taxes upon transfer? Great question. So there's a federal threshold and a state threshold. So every state has a different threshold, the Federal threshold is $11 million. So you're gonna be fine. on the federal level, for the most part, most of us are. Oh, yeah, they just doubled in the Trump administration. Oh, word, five and a half million. And now the estate tax exclusion, which Melissa is what you're talking about is $11 million on the federal level, because very rich people should pay estate taxes. Honestly, the reason why there's billionaires and multi billionaires and trillionaires is because we don't tax the rich enough straight up. That's it. Oh, and Caz, yeah, your mom probably realized that you know what you're talking about. That's another thing I will say had an advantage on is she knew I was a financial planner. She knew I was in financial planning,

Dyalekt :

again, two years and it's so tough two years. Yes.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

But yeah, and then Melissa to go back to your question the estate tax. exclusion for every state is different. So some states the estate tax exclusion is a million dollars. I think in New York, it's five, five and a half million dollars. But for the most part, it's not something to worry about on the federal level at all for most of us. Um, so really, you're not going to owe estate taxes, you're not going to owe gift taxes if your parents aren't boomers for real. If your parents are planning to gift you money, that $11 million estate tax exclusion also includes gifting over your lifetime. So your parents can give you up to $11 million in their lifetime, and they will not have to pay gift taxes on it as well. So it's $11 million total between gift taxes and estate estate tax inclusion. So that's something else to keep in mind if your parents want to give to a house or if your parents want to give you like a stock portfolio or something like that. So then when we move on to wills, health care, proxy and power returning from there, we do recommend that you have your parents count to an attorney if that's possible. Just because your parents may have a complicated state situation that won't be All by LegalZoom or some other online thing, and they may need a trust, they may need to do something with their home that's different than what you had to do with your estate. The other question to ask your parents is when do you want to retire? Or if they are retired, what is their retirement income? And that includes your social security that includes any pensions they have that includes any 401k money that they saved. I think asking when your parents want to retire is usually one of those questions that I like to ask because often I know what POC's, well, you just you just don't retire. Well, and what I was gonna say too, is that, um, parents often say that their children are their retirement plans. I don't know. Have you ever had that happen? Yeah, I have definitely had several people tell me and specifically people of color saying, well, I am my parents retirement plan, so you have to plan for that and I have to figure out how to help them retire while I'm helping myself. retire. I don't know if she's watching, but here Yeah, yeah. She hasn't specifically said that. But that is what's happening. Yeah, we've been talking about it.

Dyalekt :

That's one of the things by the way, like, when you have parents that are, they're gonna be stubborn, or they're not talking about these things, but they're implicitly doing it. If you have a partner or if you have someone else in your life that you're building with, and you should probably talking with them, too.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, because it's gonna start affecting everyone's financial lives. This is why we think it's you have to talk to your parents about it, and that your financial planner should help you figure out this stuff too. So, right, yeah, she knows not just Yeah, yeah, my partners. So asking your parents when you want to retire solves two things. It allows you to see if you need to plan for their retirement and hopefully it opens up the conversation about retirement in general. A lot of parents a lot of our parents I know like you said POC don't plan to retire. They're like, I'm just gonna work until I can't work anymore. Right. And I think that part of is because they told

Dyalekt :

us that john Henry storage to give us a death to aspire to

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah. Okay. And then I think their assumption that for our family, there's no retirement income and therefore no retirement plan. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's actually very, very common also. So not having retirement income. even outside of Social Security. I think social security is potentially non existent, especially if you've been undocumented, or if your parents have been undocumented or that they've been paid under the table. They're not part of the Social Security system. So that safety net, as small as it is, is usually something that people can rely on and that a lot of POC families can't necessarily. So asking what their retirement income is, and finding out your suspicion that it's probably no retirement income means that you're going to have to figure out how you can how you can plan your finances around that. And some of it may be and I see this happening pretty often is that you may have to talk about your parents moving in with you. You have to talk about figuring out how to help your parents with their expenses sooner, rather And later,

Dyalekt :

which by the way isn't necessarily a failing, it's one of those weird of like, other cultures have been doing this for a really long time. And because the western white influence world is like no put them in a home where you should be able to stand on your own and all this kind of stuff, you think of it as a weird thing or a bad thing for your family to come live with you. And it isn't necessarily It doesn't mean that anyone is failed.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Honestly, it's such an American thing that your parents don't live with you and that there is no intergenerational housing sharing and things like that. It's very American. It's the nuclear family.

Dyalekt :

Yeah. So can instead of nuclear, can we go a little solar power and talk about a success story we got from here? Oh, yeah. From Blanca telling us. Thank you for talking about the self employed being eligible for the COVID unemployment fund. I hope my dad gets a much needed money.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

That's so awesome. Tell your dad to also apply for the PPP loan and the EIDL. look it up, don't go get all of it. They just extended the PPP loan deadline to August 8. So if you're a self employed person with any Schedule C income, you mentioned that right yes. They extended that PvP deadline and pretty much all the money is forgivable if your schedule C so it's free money recommended yes for you for your parents for whoever August 8 though make sure you get and there's 130 billion dollars left in it so get that money and

Dyalekt :

by the way to caveat the forgivable things that means that it's not necessarily free money but there's a pretty good chance of it and even if it's not in the best interest, you're gonna get a loan ever

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

well and for self employed people in particular because of the way they calculate it all of its gonna be free. Yeah, yeah. So now she's just trying to make you know, making this shit. We are so you know, I don't want

Dyalekt :

to blanket it and then like they come up with some new loophole.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Oh my god, they're not gonna

Dyalekt :

move on. Let me take a break and go to a song. Oh my gosh, yes. Yeah. What are you gonna take a break for y'all? Just so you know. We can listen to the songs on the podcast version. I want to talk for a quick second. I know we're like barreling through like had lots of good information. But I don't know if I talked enough about how much I love the artists that we play. We have independent artists from all around the world. He talks about subjects that pertain to the things that we're talking about here. I dig through like Bandcamp and sometimes SoundCloud to look for them. And I really love today we have a bunch of different styles. These cats have really interesting rap flows and pockets and end up in different places. And they also talk about interesting stuff all the songs are titled parents. This one is an artist named Smokey the ghost out of Bangalore India with a fantastic or just off I'm really so into this cat's flow. Talking about parents from the album Her name is questioned by smoke the goat Smokey the goats.

Song :

I'll get straight to the point I found marijuana and never thought of myself as the type of father who have to drug test his kids. I'm willing to do just that if that's what it takes to find out who brought a joint. I found a joint I urge you to all enjoy having bad cars on my own in heaven we live alone, heaven in heaven rebelled for generations is equally as simple Less simple thinking that was the boy in the middle so listen my parents parents I entered the sea of sharks you tell me lack of thinking will never stop. I'm clinging to mothers walls inverted but still in tall thinking of Allah Sangha attempting the will of God delighted the mama said I was bawling my eyes wide open not crying but I was gone. Infinite in my body, infinity in my head. Age is only a number to fill. My pockets they will Brahman which benefit event education of me needed the money to pay back Don't ever, ever be bonded on the family when I say please to stop missing I don't know. I don't know if you're proud of me I can I can no no your profit solid I wouldn't be the moment I was born 2020 raise it never hope that you were wronged. Tom Sargent graduation trauma job in college last for a formal suit and tie in the stock market I won't break your heart but I am living my life all the smells of marijuana smoke it was me. It was me I was born to reach the highest that you will not me I guess I won the lottery telecast. I celebrate the past this race a walk in the park and I think I'm reaching down the finish line in time. I won't sit and cry before I say goodbye. I'll make you smile I can look at this guy cuz I can look into your eyes when I do stop eating our own.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, check out the podcast recording after this it will have all of the songs that dialect mentions. I love it. I love it. Um, the other thing to ask your parents is what their medical insurance situation is like. I think that understanding what your parents regular medical bills are, what their prescriptions are, is going to be important both on a health level and on a financial level, just in case you might have to take over those expenses or those payments. And also if your parents are not 65, and they don't have access to Medicare yet, so they may or may not have a precarious insurance situation, and you may potentially need to help out with that. I think what I found often is that when parents ask for money from their children, they don't actually tell you what it's for. They're just like, Hey, can you lend me some money? We're all Yeah, like, hey, I need a couple hundred bucks to, you know, to cover my expenses this month, or even a couple hundred bucks to cover some bills this month. And it'd be good for you to know what those bills actually are. Because there's also situations where it might make sense for you to take over a bill right? I have a lot of clients who are the ones who actually pay their family cellphone plan.

Dyalekt :

Because there's, you know, what's funny is sometimes I've heard people talk about, you know, their parents actually have the money and they just don't pay it. Yeah, just like, yeah, they just haven't been paying the bill. And then you'd like it adds up, and then they get all the late fees. Yeah,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

yeah. So I mean, that's another thing in terms of just like not trusting the system, right? It's like I'd rather have this money than give it to this institution.

Dyalekt :

And you know, to be fair to them. The older you get, the less you want to participate and stuff that harms you. Get it?

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, absolutely. And I want to get to this audience question that was asked my brother and I want to have more transparent conversations with my folks about their financial health. But I don't know where to begin, I'd like to know how to best offer support that doesn't come across as disempowering. is helping them create a retirement savings account? Is it kicking in monthly for their daily expenses? Should I create a joint flexible savings? We can both manage open to any ideas? Um, those are all great questions. And those are all great ideas. I think that the the toughest part, because I want to go into how to actually have this conversation is really, I love that it's specifically asking to not have it come across as disempowering, because I think that's super important is your parents are already embarrassed about this. They're already embarrassed about their situation. A lot of them don't actually want to ask you for money or don't want to think that you have to rely on them. I hear a lot of clients and their parents like no, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. And then an emergency comes up and it turns out they're not.

Dyalekt :

well, that's what it is. It's often holding on holding on holding on and then the emergency room situation and then you're paying more. Yeah,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

yeah. So I think when it comes to helping your parents figure out what they need, the first thing to really do is to try and start the conversation with them and to figure out where they are. Because I think that one like strategy that we use a lot is to set up set up what we call a family savings fund. So not that you necessarily have to give the money to your parents every single month, but we set aside a certain amount of money every single month into this fund. And then if a family member calls and they have an emergency, or they need money, the money comes out of that fund. We don't even consider that money. ours. It is the family savings emergency fund.

Dyalekt :

Yeah. And you can also do this for recurring expenses. If there is a bill that you want to take over that you can do you can put together the money yourself so that you can have their back so that they don't have to have you mainlining it Yeah, but in case stuff happens, you got it.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah. There's also I've seen situations where people have put their parents on a credit card as an authorized user. So in case an emergency happens to their parents, can just put the money on the card and take care of it immediately. Yeah, a family emergency fund is something that we personally have found a lot of relief in. And a lot of just like solace in a lot of clients that we work with have also said the same thing.

Dyalekt :

Well, one of the great things about any of these kind of things is that if no one ends up needing it, then you've got

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

savings. Yeah, exactly. You've got savings. Yeah, the authorized user thing has really helped a lot of clients also just like support their family in a way where it's not like this, like dynamic of like, I'm asking for money all the time, and it feels weird. So I think that's been really helpful.

Dyalekt :

But you know, a half measure thing that I did that in feel like, Whoa, your parents aren't ready for that, or they won't, you know, be down with being an authorized user, they would feel like they're being what I did is I took my mom's favorite restaurant. And I talked to the owners and said, here's my credit card info. Whenever my mom comes in, here's her info. Here's who she is. I got it.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was on there, and I think that might Be a way to go back to this audience question of like how to support your parents in a way that doesn't come off as disempowering is to start small. You don't have to fund their retirement right away or even start having that conversation with them right away. Again, I told you took two years for me to get my parents to do estate planning documents. And that was like the first conversation that we had and I knew had to get done. And I think if you can just be as casual as possible about gifting them things and saying like, like the story that dialect just gave about his mom was this idea of Hey, I just I want to treat you right. Yeah, that's exactly

Dyalekt :

the word I was thinking. It's like make it feel like a treat. Yeah, make it feel like you're doing something for them that is special and different. And you get to like the parents, you've done all these things for me over the years. Let me do this one little thing. Yeah. And once they get used to that one little thing, then let me do another little

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

thing. Yeah. And then maybe let me do a bigger thing next and Hey, Mom, I was just thinking about my retirement. This is one of the strategies that works really well is you In your own situation.

Dyalekt :

Yeah. Yeah, that's one of the real like, you know, hey, parents, can you be a parent? Can you do? Can you come in and parent over my stuff? Because I need to oversee this because I need to have this together. So can we have it together? How have you done it? Well, you haven't done it. Oh, that's okay. Well, then let's walk through it together. Maybe you can help me. You love using the maybe you can help me thing. I mean, we were talking about, you know, my mom is gonna end up moving in here. And you know, COVID has slowed all that down. But we're working on that. And one of our big asks the way we came to her was we need help with the baby. Yeah, we want you to be around the baby. We engaged that we have a need. Yeah. Yeah, come on. Yeah.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

That's the other thing to keep in mind is like, what is the real need? Right, for both of you and for everyone. I think I think that using your own situation to talk about hard conversations like retirement to talk about health insurance to talk about to talk about estate planning is often a good way to start because then the conversation doesn't become this like authority like subservient dynamic. It's this like open conversation about you guys trying to figure it out together.

Dyalekt :

And you know, thank you guys for in your comments. You always have really great stuff that we're not thinking about mentioning. So I wasn't gonna mention this. We weren't planning on it just I don't think that it's off topic. Caz brought up that it's important to have your your records for the doctors of your parents. Yes,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

yeah, yeah.

Dyalekt :

You know, all, not just the doctors, for your parents, all of the official people that your parents are working with, if your parents do have a financial planner, if your parents do have a lawyer that they work with, you need to know who all those people are and where you can access them, which No, no, I'm really glad you brought that. Yeah, no,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

I'm really glad you brought that up. that's I think that when it comes to talking to your parents about their finances, we are asking you to start small and also think about the big picture in the midst of that. And I want you to think about again, put yourself in your parents position. And if something were to happen to you, what kind of information do you want someone else to have? Right? What kind of information would you need someone to know about accessing your doctor is talking to your financial are getting into your bank account records, things like that. And I think that's a good way to approach it with your parents too. I think when it comes to retirement because I the idea of funding your parents retirement can feel particularly daunting, right? They can feel like wait, I don't even have retirement savings. What am I going to about my parents, and I think this is where that family emergency fund as you get comfortable with that, as that becomes something that's a part of your budget, as that becomes something that's a habit for you and your family can ultimately end up being again, if your family doesn't end up meeting, it can be a way for you to give to during retirement because the expenses are only going to increase and are only going to change as your parents get older. And they're more likely going to rely on you for that stuff. So if you can start now if you're in a position where you can start fitting some family emergency savings into your budget now and then gradually increase it every year as the same way that like people recommend increasing your retirement savings every year. Increase your family savings every year.

Dyalekt :

Yeah. I also want to talk Real quick, some good comments I want to bring up but I'm going back through the things that we were talking about, about using story about sharing your situation, getting help and all of that. I think that it's really important to think about how story engages people, your parents know your situation, and they know who you are because they can't see it in their brain and creating the story, your own story or a friend's story will allow them to see that. Yes. So thank you Brooke on that. Oh, yeah. You know, something really important here, and here's

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

a little migraine stuff. Right. Eric? Are you

Dyalekt :

ready for this combo with your little one in 30 years? I know. That's the thing. We're hoping that's the thing that's real about it is I know that in 30 years when we're older, and he's gonna be talking us about it. We're having this conversation now and we're gonna be stubborn.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Can I tell you something? I did. So back when I was like, 20 years old, and I was teaching money camps. Someone asked us to do a private money camp. For their grandchildren because this entire super wealthy family was having a wealth money financial retreat for their whole family, and I was teaching their grandkids while the parents and the grandparents were talking about their estate. We want to start having these conversations now and have these intergenerational conversations. So by the time he is 30, and he's ready to have this conversation with us, we're able to bring it up with him. Instead, we're able to start building that habit now. I think by practicing doing it with your parents now and feeling what that feels like. It's going to not feel as foreign or as scary when you know you have to talk about it with your kids later on.

Dyalekt :

I mean, we'll report back in 30 years on whether that's correct.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

I hope so. I hope so. I hope so. That's the plan. That's the plan.

Dyalekt :

I appreciate Faith talking about your parents were the ones who are good examples with it and you're the one slacking off. I mean having that goal having that trustee having that image in that model is so much

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

it is what and the thing that is great about that too, and by

Dyalekt :

that I mean like you're gonna be okay.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah. Yeah, the thing that's great about that situation, I think it's a situation we want to put our kid in is to feel like you have the room to slack a little, because you know that your parents have taken care of their retirement and medical savings, right? And so it's okay that you are giving yourself room to figure out what you want to do, because your parents have, have basically said, Hey, we are, we're taken care of one of the things that I always tell my clients when it comes to saving for retirement versus saving for college, because that's the question that always comes up, right? Should I save for college? Or should I save for retirement and the thing that I always say to my clients is the best gift that you can give your kid is not a college education, the best gift you can give your kid is knowing that they don't have to take care of your retirement. And I think that is so huge. And I think that lasts much longer than a four year education is you setting yourselves up so that your kids when they're finishing college, when they're figuring themselves out when they're figuring out their careers. They're able to actually take the space and the time to do that. And I think that's really great that your parents have given that to you. So that's fantastic. And it's okay that you're slacking. We're all kind of slacking. Yeah. Oh my god, Kaz, you're gonna end up an executive manager at a bank. His knowledge is gonna be through the roof. Ghani he's already got the glasses, look.

Dyalekt :

I know, but that's real. Sometimes we need to actually have something to pick up, right?

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah. Yeah, I love it. That's so good. So in terms of how to have the conversation and continue to have it, we talked about sharing your own situation. The other thing to think about is, what's the deal with your siblings? If you have siblings? If you have you have other brothers and sisters who can potentially have this conversation, then that's another thing to consider is both figuring out what their financial resources are, and also figuring out who is best to have this conversation with your parents. Is it all of you at once or is that a terrible idea? Is it the unspoken favorite one? Is that the one who's supposed to have this conversation? Is it the one who seems the most responsible and I that the other thing about coordinating with your siblings is one, you know you're on the same page because the last thing you want to happen is to contradict each other when you're having this conversation. But the other thing too is that each of you in your own way can figure out how to bring up different things to your parents.

Dyalekt :

So we're talking about there's like have a clandestine siblings only meeting when you get in there hash out all your stuff, because you probably have stuff sibling on that and and think about, like, what is the main goal and then start putting out based on your skill set and how the parents view you given? Okay.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, totally. I mean, if you have that kind of relationship with your siblings, then I feel like you should use each other to be able to have this conversation too, and to also split up the financial responsibility, especially if that can give you a little bit of relief, because I think that is something too. I know as the older sibling, I'm the one that's like, I just have to take it all on myself. Right. And I feel like that there is that tendency potentially if you are the responsible sibling to be like that. That's all on you.

Dyalekt :

I don't know why, but the way that you're describing the siblings in this situation I'm just picturing like a Wes Anderson film or like the parents died. Some quirky but extremely pale people.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

That sounds like a terrible Wes Anderson film or all of his existing ones. Oh, come on Rushmore. Can we talk about gender stigmas about usually the daughter is the one that ends up taking care of the parents and not the male. Yes, we can.

Dyalekt :

I mean, there's so much film and theater that talks extensively about that not only an important thing, super real, I feel

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

like the conversation I need to have with my brother's eye, he needs to also be responsible in my parents lives. Wow. I mean, I have a brother. And I feel the same way. That is so so real. And I think that dynamic especially because a lot of and I've seen this honestly with my clients, too, is that a lot of the women in the family are not only the caregivers on the house. Oh, I'm not only considered the caregivers on the health side, but also on the financial side, we're the ones that have taken it on when we were younger. And so there's this expectation that maybe we even put on ourselves that we're going to be the ones to take it on when we're older as our parents are getting older,

Dyalekt :

you want to organize Yeah, have the folders that the eye it's like, oh, yeah, the sister is the one who actually knows who the doctor is. And they've got all the records.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

They're the ones going to the doctor's appointments with the parents for the important stuff and all of that. He said, both parents, let's all get in on this. No, it's true. And men need to be more. I agree. And

Dyalekt :

we need to be more capable and more empathetic and a thumb you know, somebody from my mail behind is we need to understand these things are okay. And something like failures is not a failure. If you're doing that for your family, your family is not failed, and you are not taking on a subservient or lesser role by doing that. And I'm saying this out loud because I know that like young me definitely needed to hear that because I you know, I'm talking about my own family and where I'm going with it, but it's been a journey for me to even know I understand that it was a responsibility of mine, just like how I was raised by my mom and her sisters. And all the stuff we talked about is very true. It just also happens because you know, black community and stuff, we don't have the men in our family living as long or being around as long. So it is omnipresent that mom does all the things. Wow. It's sort of similar to how we always say that black women are strong, and we need to stop saying black women are strong, not because that's not true, but because we have to stop putting things on them.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, yeah, no, that's super real. That's super real. Yeah. No, thank you, mom. I

Dyalekt :

The only thing we're putting on you as the boy.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

But yeah, even though you're the youngest, if you're the that, that happens all the time, there's an expectation that you're going to be the one to take care of your parents. No, it's true. And also, I feel like the expectation that you're going to be the one to take care of your parents. If you're not the one that's married, right if you decide that you want to. Yeah, he's like, Oh, well, then you're going to take care of mom and dad. Right. And that is a whole other dynamic.

Dyalekt :

Yeah. just forgetting about I just saw some people are not on social media that's such a really important want to go into. Yeah,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

yeah. And it shouldn't be your choice if you want to be Superwoman or not. It's true. And I think the tough part is that the dynamic with your family is the thing to work out. And I think that, again, that clandestine meeting with your siblings, I know you were kind of joking about that. But you kind of do have to have that conversation. I think that if you can figure out a way to present a united front as siblings, I think that's going to be really valuable when it comes to talking to your parents about it. Because I've also heard situations where you don't have that conversation with your siblings and then siblings go around each other and siblings clash about what actually needs to happen with their parents what happens what needs to happen with their finances, who gets what things like that?

Dyalekt :

Can I just say Caz me one minute again with the line that it should be my choice if I want to be a superwoman or not, you know, ever since probably 1977 with Star Wars, the only movie anyone has ever made is that you have a destiny and your destiny is to defeat the evil and you have no other choices. So that's some real stuff, just like I was saying about john Henry. Right. You know, they make it feel like it's the noble thing to put it all on your back when you probably shouldn't be that

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, Damn, that's super real, super real.

Dyalekt :

Should we do another song? Let's do another song. This artist I'm really excited about I was writing about the last one. He's got a crazy, fantastic pocket. This artist is the type of emcee that I always would love to be, but I feel like I never can because I can't wrap my brain around how he does it. It's a sloppy style and I don't mean that it's not well practiced is that the rhymes land in weird places that are not necessarily what you would consider the pocket very unusual stuff. I'm a real big fan of but I love artists who have styles, especially MCs for me personally, who have styles that I couldn't imitate if I tried. And that's what I feel about this cat from Raleigh, North Carolina. Again, the song's called Parents. The artist is Art Of Life. And yeah, when you listen to the podcast, you get to hear it.

Song :

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yo I got my phone when it rains this girl says she's on my thoughts collected, having a child to 18 and all this pressure that brings around the Kasia thing and this one she says I'm the only artist crushed like a soda cans. I've been thinking I'm not spreading because I'm not a man on how hard it is to hit a kid decent to see somebody I want to spend the rest of my life that I wish I would have been ready to fill in wrong Asking me when I'm having a baby like me constantly wondering what kind of situation I'm bringing. My parents struggle that just to pay the rent when I'm home. Father without any father that does not exist in this condition of God. Get down on my knees and start praying. Then I start seeing we've been taking a portion saw the problem solving, but I'm singing about this Arabian hour doesn't have a chance to grow. It's the decision we chose So I can make two or three bad turns into this maybe that was about to see your father's father with so much especially for me to pull out for this year shouldn't ever did what I did. And just mess it up even more blessed you know, that's just life We don't we make smart decisions happen. Gotta watch.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Oh guys, I'm gonna tell my parents to log on the amount of hours me and my brother take care of them and use those hours and the two percentage divide how much we get in the will.

Dyalekt :

Like a Fitbit kind of thing. It's just like every time you around your parents

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

and every time you take care of something for them, you just get like a little like chaching sign.

Dyalekt :

App people, app that.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

that's real. And I wish we had answers for you on how to solve this. That's, that's really hilarious and clever solution. And it's gonna be it's difficult. These conversations are difficult. My To be honest, my brother was not involved in those conversations that me and my parents had. I was the one that had them.

Dyalekt :

I mean, to be fair, he's not a financial planner. And you are

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, he's not a financial planner. And I am also I mean, I,

Dyalekt :

although like how you ended up being in finance, and he didn't also probably go through the same stuff that's being gone. Right, exactly.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

In terms of like me wanting to figure out how to take care of people. Right. And so there's that other aspect of it to the other note that I want to make is try not to have your first conversation happened during the holidays. Oh, yes. And I say this because the holidays are already a very emotionally volatile time. It's usually very stressful already. You're probably really stressed about going back home for the holidays. It may be the one time of year that you see your parents in person and your siblings in person. And so there's other shit that's going to be going on to be honest. And to try and bring in the financial conversation the first time is probably going to be a mess. I know that people have said that it's a good time to do it, but it's not a good time to do it.

Dyalekt :

Now, that's times when you get the arguments that are about a whole different thing. Yeah, about the turkey to dry. And no, that's why your mom don't ever be paying that bill. And then, oh, well, you're never really listened to me anyway, you never came to my thing. And then what are we doing here,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

and then you're not allowed to talk about money again for the next two years. So we recommend figuring out how to not have it during the holidays. And again, in the in the vein of keeping it light and in the vein of trying to ease it in and keep it casual, especially at the beginning, knowing that this is a long game, knowing this is gonna take a while to do and to really gather all this information. This isn't going to happen in one Saturday afternoon. You're not going to go down checklists with your parents, they like give me this thing. Give me this thing. Give me this thing. This is gonna be gradual. You're asking them To trust you in a different way than they have before. And I think that is scary for everyone. And I want you to keep that in mind, as you're thinking about talking to your parents is they're revealing a part of themselves, they've never given to you before, because they've never had to, you've always been the kid. And now you're asking to be an adult and an equal in a lot of ways in this relationship.

Dyalekt :

sometimes to be the leader.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, and sometimes to be the leader. So if you can see it in these conversations, and then when you see them during the holidays, and you prepare them for what's about to come, not something that's caught off guard, you're actually able to go down that checklist, potentially, right? Because you've seeded the conversation already.

Dyalekt :

And really, when you get there, it's beautiful. And it is great to have that new relationship with your parents where you can talk as grown people

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

and that I mean, I can now ask my parents anything about their money situation, and they will tell me because we have built that relationship.

Dyalekt :

and I think you talk more real about social situations as well.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, because of that. Yeah, absolutely. I think that it's scary because you are crossing from that kid to adult dynamic, but it will change your relationship with your parents for the most part for the better from what I've seen. Yeah. And then oh, yeah, very own funeral plans as well. Yeah, we mentioned that earlier. That's a big part of estate planning is knowing what how your parents want to be buried. I mean, a big part of estate planning is knowing whether your parents want to DNR whether they want to do not resuscitate. But

Dyalekt :

back up to old podcasts we have the more bid money, our name of the episode where we dug all into all of that stuff.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, my uncle died last year, and you have no will oh, my God, we've heard that story way too many times. And I've had I have clients who have you have estate plans that are like, the family member died like five, six years ago, and these days still not settled? Because there was no will, there's a lot of other messy stuff going on. But there's no will like, yeah, like Prince, that kind of stuff happens. You know, and I think making sure that your parents have wills at the very least so that the money goes somewhere and as it gets stuck in probate court and the estate doesn't get caught up and end up paying court fees for years and years and years. Yeah, existential crisis. podcasts are real. That's every one of our podcasts. Right?

Dyalekt :

Well, a little bit a little bit. It's like finding the practical in the existential right. Yeah,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

it's true. So we want to talk through some frequently avoided every... Aretha Franklin Yeah, yeah. Aretha was another one. Yep. Prince Michael Jackson, Aretha Franklin, all those

Dyalekt :

guys. Um, some of the biggest moneymakers. Some

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

of them. Yeah. Oh, so sad. So some frequently avoided questions. We have definitely run into these. I don't know if you've ever gotten this question. But have your parents ever asked you when you're going to get a real job? Yeah, it is. Yes,

Dyalekt :

yes, yes. many times. I mean, yeah, that's what I remember. My mom asked me. My mom didn't believe I had a real job until I took an album and made a play out of it and a curriculum brought that back home to St. Croix taught every school, every organization, prisons, the college grade school, did all of that. And finally, my mom told me A church group that my son has a job. He's a fisher of men. And I was like, sure...about the first five pages of the newspaper, one through five,

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

and that's what it took a while. And I think that I bring this up, because often parents will deflect and maybe fail will deflect for years, because they want you to ask about their stuff. They know how to push your buttons and ask you like, hey, but how much money? Do you actually make me have a real job? What do you do? And it's out of genuine concern often because they want to know that you have health insurance, they want to know that you have a retirement plan, and they want to know that you're able to pay your bills, but at the same time, jobs look different now than they did when our parents were working. And when they were getting jobs and they were getting their education.

Dyalekt :

So big difference. I think they really don't understand. Yeah, all of that. All that stuff where it's like, well, I remember when I was a kid, you could get a summer job. Working at the ice cream parlor and pay off your whole college loans.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. No, there's none of that anymore. And there's jobs that like your parents will not be familiar with. You're not a teacher, Doctor lawyer. Or I will say my dad said this before, so when I was a kid, my dad told me that as a woman, my options for what to be when I grow up, were a doctor, teacher and lawyer. podcaster or a prostitute podcaster a few p word. It was a p word. Yeah, so speaking of women, being caregivers and also being limited in what their actual abilities to like, make money are also

Dyalekt :

our caregiver jobs.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

They are You're right. You're right. You're right, nurse. Well, my mom was a nurse. So I guess he was like, well, you can be a doctor.

Dyalekt :

That was the shoulders you've been standing. Yeah, that was the

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

shoulders I was dead on. Exactly. Follow. Another question that we've heard is your parents asking how much your partner makes? Yeah.

Dyalekt :

You can be a doctor. You can get a doctorate in nursing can be that nurse.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah. Okay. Nurse Practitioner. Sure. I'm just saying Yeah. Okay. That's the thing. Now asking how much your partner makes, I think, especially when you start to get serious with someone or you're in a situation where, yeah, you're about to get married, they also want to know that your partner's gonna take care of you. And that is super awkward, and it's how do you address that kind of stuff, too. And again, it's deflecting. Um, the other thing is, um, I've had situations where clients have had their parents asked to start paying for a student loan they took out for you. Yeah, and this is something that also it's a practical thing where they have the student loan in their name, and it's something where you may have to actually get it out of their name potentially, and get it into your name and start taking over the payments. And I think this is also if this happens, and if this seems like it's out of the blue, it may also be a way to expand the conversation into Hey, what other bills do you have that I could potentially help out with, if you're in that position, because they know what your salary is now they know how much money you're making, they understand what your job is, if they're asking you for help paying your student loan that they took out for you, one, that might be a sign that they need help with other bills, and two, that might be a sign that they're ready to potentially start having a money conversation with you. So you know,

Dyalekt :

I was just meditating on that, like how much your partner makes thing, when your parents come to that, I think one of the best responses and maybe you have this set up beforehand, if you and your partner are serious about where you're going, create a financial plan together, it is not necessarily important to know or to share your salary of your partner. But if you could then pivot that and say, Well, actually, I'm not gonna tell you how much they make, because that's not really important to the situation. But we do have a fun that we put together together. And this is our actual financial plan for the future

Unknown Speaker :

to which What is your day? What are you in mind?

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Man, what's your plan for

Dyalekt :

a time maybe we can show your hours and like you can tell us what we did wrong and like, you know, We can work together.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, we can talk about it together, I think the whole thing to keep in mind is to figure out how you can be vulnerable. First, I think this is the case for any relationship where you are trying to have a vulnerable conversation is you have to be the one to offer up that vulnerability first. And I think that's a super important thing to keep in mind, especially when it comes to talking to your parents is how can you show that you are in this with this? And how can you show that like, this isn't about me trying to take care of you or trying to parent you? This is about us figuring this out together as a family to make sure that we all continue to thrive.

Dyalekt :

that's ultimately what

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

makes you have copies of keys. Oh, man, can you just make a list for us and send it to everyone cuz I'm like, this is I didn't think about that. Do I have a copy to my keys to my parents?

Dyalekt :

Yeah. Can you get into their place? That's super real. Oh, man.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, no. A huge deal. Place. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. Another thing to think about is when you have to ask your parents for things. And this might be a way to also open up the money conversation is I know that there are situations where you may have had to ask your parents to be a guarantor on an apartment, or to be an authorized user on their credit card. You may have asked your parents to stay on a family cellphone plan for longer than a few months, you may have asked your parents for the money back that you loaned them. That's something too that can be very tricky. Yeah,

Dyalekt :

yeah. Family loan, the family

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

loan thing. And again, this is why we think that the family emergency fund is like a really good place to start and also incredibly important for making sure that you maintain your financial health is whenever you loan your family money, just assume that it's a gift. Just assume you're not going to get it back. If you get it back. That's great.

Dyalekt :

I mean, personally say whenever you loan money, period, yeah soon that's a gift. That's not a sentence whenever you want money.

Pamela Capalad, CFP, AFC :

Yeah, exactly. Whenever you owe money assume that it's a gift. No, it's true. And I think that's something to think about too. I think that again, but the thing to really keep in mind is, start small. start having the money conversation with your parents be a habit, when it comes to building habits when it comes to talking about money in general. It's a muscle that you need to exercise. It's a muscle that you need to train your parents to exercise. Oh, when I love that, I don't know now what I can't afford. Exactly, exactly because you might not get it back. And if you do, you don't know when it's gonna come back. But I think it's super important to have these money conversations often and have them not be so high stakes all the time. Because the thing that I think we end up running into is a lot of us end up thinking about talking about money with their parents when the situation already feels dire when there's already an emergency. And if we can start seeing the conversations now and start getting everybody in the family comfortable talking about it. Then when the situation does Become dire or when there is an emergency, then you all have an idea of how to talk to each other about it. You all have an idea of what your own money personalities are in all of this. And so it's never going to be easy. It's not going to be an easy conversation, especially at first. But like I said, and like we said earlier, I'm able to talk to my parents about now and I know that I can ask them anything. And it literally took several years to do that. And that's what it's gonna take.

Dyalekt :

So, yeah, I mean, on the real, other than hanging out with Pam and listen to her talking about money all day. A few things are easy and also worth it. So we're gonna let you guys go with one more song. This one is going out to Novato, California. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I don't know how to pronounce stuff in California places. It'll be a Spanish word, but they don't pronounce it so it'll be a whole thing. So out in Novato, California, we've got an artist named Christopher G with again the song called Parents and I really like to note that maybe is when I wrote I wrote this when I was 18. I was kind of a brat. This one has a more traditional pocket, but a very Herky jerky, different kind of love. I'm just talking about the artists on lots of great artists if you have some art that you're making, if you make some songs, some music that pertained to from the subject we talked about, we talked about finance to talk about entrepreneurs, I'm talking about the social issues around all of these things. Please send it to us.

Song :

Trust me, you can't possibly pretend I mean what you think I'm doing is not show with a shrub. Well, I guess this is a mommy's only son I fold a shirt I go to church then the like I know it hurts the road Oh, turn after that. I want to go but what I do there was wrong. Who would blame me if I leave. I'm like, Who cares? I'm following my moves rarely come when I'll sit in at home. When I'm cruising the town. I want to get rid of my phone. some peace and quiet some time to relax ma instead of calling you should try to relax because you're too worried you get too mad. You're too sad. newsflash. That's the reason now my douchebag Look who's back it's me trying to pray for us because Heaven is a mile away you get stuck in the same code a lot me I know that I can be cold folks. I just need some privacy for time to reload uploaded through a magazine you say yeah my brandy team it actually the other half of me would do what happened leakers naturally we bump heads until there's one meta issues never pass away they're practically the undead been upset bombs is the died down no more time out my life is mine now. What up? What up Dad? This kind of catchy like someone asked I gotta break the news. So I live at home with you ain't as great as you would a bed. That's kind of catchy like a Summer Jam kind of someone asked. I gotta break the news. So your life at home with children ain't his greatest fear with what up Dad? I must be getting on your last nerve. I answer Do with my back turn an actor rapper 10 that I'm fine I guess I'll get the last word watch eggs in my mind got the pressure over time I've been praying like I'm replacing this heinous hatred with traces of some change but it's hard to be consistent with the faith so I'm sorry you pretend to feel the need to hit me in the face it a bit I got no love because I do I know what times I keep the dose shot but it's true I want you to stand up and be a man if I knew you to take a leap of faith and reach a hand to be the fantasy the land of pain that your son goes through but I guess we in the gym like this gun won't show you that I know you ain't perfect you do when you best but like any son I put you to the test yo to let me know that I can be cold folks. I just need some privacy some time to reload upload it through a magazine you say yeah my brandy but actually the other half of me What do what happened leakers naturally we want pets until there's one meta issues never pass away the practically the undead Enough said dad This is a died down no more time mouse My life is mine now y'all What up? What up, dad? Hear this kind of catchy like sama jam but if someone asks I gotta break the news so I live at home with you ain't as great as you would a bed that's kind of catchy like a Summer Jam. So I got to break the news so your life at home with children pain is great his mom and a son loves Dad I called a family and I want some of that but someone asked a break the news to the life at home with them and is ready to deal with a few bruises send my prayers to heaven hope to shape a new future. The stupid things will change for me despite what I do with the ink hockey right in the same story.